I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
