they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize