My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i out mim tonsoeep
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