I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
