Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
