Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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