i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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