I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize