6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
