It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
