In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
