i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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