I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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