yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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