I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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