why didn't you poke me back
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
