I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
