I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
