I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
