i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
