Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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