1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
