If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
