The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you would pick up someone in the library
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
