it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
