and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
