Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
