i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
