my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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