forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
