We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Randomize
