ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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