She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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