I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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