Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
