just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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