you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
