i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
