THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
