If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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