I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize