I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
