Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
