I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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