He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk is not a location!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
