Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
