Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
