all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize