haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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