in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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