I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
