I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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