Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
