Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
