I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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