My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
