there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
