if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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