guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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