The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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