Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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