I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
