my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
