I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
