We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
