MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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