I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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