I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
