forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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