hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
