how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
