im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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