I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
