he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
